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Thursday, August 11, 2016

#BehindTheBlogger -- Let it Go

#BehindTheBlogger -- Let it Go

This is another prompt that I've been debating what direction to take this.

And while I got this prompt pretty late in the game, the decision came pretty quickly once I thought about it.

I am a bigger girl. Last time I weighed myself, I weighed 173.6 lbs. I'm 5' 2.5". I wear an 18-20 in jeans and an 1X/XL in stretch/elastic waist pants. I'm 'short and stocky.'

However, I don't let my weight bother me... for the most part. I come from a family where HONESTLY, my sister Margaret, my cousin Adrienne and I are the thinnest in the family. I accept myself as a BBW.

And most people accept me as I am. I get more looks from society for the way I walk than my weight. My friends accept me at my current weight. I don't feel judged...

Except by one person; Mama Melissa's father.

He is of the 'Thin is In' theory. He constantly runs me down for my weight, along with my disability. I'm called a 'fat*ss' and a 'ret*rd' on a daily basis. No matter how much I (or Mama Melissa) explain to him that Yes, I have brain damage, but the damage is on the PHYSICAL lobes of my brain; it has NOTHING to do with my intelligence or mental clarity, he still refers to me as a 'cripple' and/or a 'ret*rd.'

And it used to bother me for a long time.

But then, I started thinking... Why am I letting him get to me? Why do I really care what he thinks of me? He has no say over me. I'm not related to him by blood, and he takes every opportunity to remind me that Mama Melissa is NOT my mom... which he technically is right on that.

However, Mama Melissa CANNOT have children; I am the closest she has to a child. To her, she IS my mom.

But that doesn't change the fact that I was letting someone that has no real say over me control me.

And that's when I started taking a page from Elsa's book and began to let it go. Stop worrying about what others think of me and concentrate on my happiness.



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2 comments:

  1. OMG! I can't believe he did that to you! Well, I guess I can in a way. I mean my dad, my blood dad, called me every name in the book! See he was 19 years older than my mom and he had me late in life! He was 54 when he became a dad. I was a teen and wishing I wouldn't have been born! I loved my father, why did he hate me?! Then I was told that it's because he was older and didn't have patients and didn't know how to relate to me. OK so I tried harder to feel his love. I eventually did feel his love for me, however it was too late, he had a stroke when I was 17 and lived almost 2 yrs in a home and didn't know me at all :(

    Sorry not trying to take over your post, I'm just trying to let you know you aren't the only one who has gone though that and you do have to come to realize at some point you need to let it go and move on. Next time he calls you something, shoot back with something you don't like about him. That's what I did. You have to stand up for yourself, no matter who it is or what they say.

    Best!

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    Replies
    1. My parents had a huge age gap as well; there were 25 years between them and Daddy was in his late 60s when I was born.

      For the LONGEST time, I thought I was raised wrong because I was shown unconditional love by my parents... and this man can only show love to animals. He degrades his wife, his children, his grandchildren... only thing he shows love to is our dog Chase!

      I ignore him now. He's set in his ways and nothing anyone says or does will change that.

      Thanks for stopping by!

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