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Monday, November 14, 2016

Letting the true me shine...

Letting the true me shine...

I originally posted this as a note on my personal Facebook, but I wanted to share it here as well.

You know... Ever since the Presidential Election, especially all day Friday, I felt awful. And I don't mean physically ill (puking after having garlic and pumpkin eggnog with spaghetti, notwithstanding); I mean emotionally ill.

I felt like I needed to ‘hide.’ Hide who I was; hide my thoughts, my feelings, my wants, my desires.

I felt like I was wrong... wrong to feel the way I do. I felt like I had no right to be scared. That even though I’ve seen and read evidence of the horrendous things that have been said for the last 12+ months and can interpret them, that I was seeing it wrong... along with millions of other Americans.

I felt attacked... like I needed to change my opinion just to suit others. I felt like I was on the losing end, so instead of ‘ruffling feathers,’ I felt like I was expected to just nod and smile politely, just to avoid fighting... Just like a ‘good woman’ does.

I felt afraid... afraid to post or share things on Facebook that I related to, for fear of being told to ‘stop believing the mainstream media.’ Fear of once again, being told that None of that will ever happen and that I need to do my research away from the ‘mainstream media.’ Fear of not even knowing what others would consider the ‘mainstream media.’

I even felt stupid... that even though I think I had a great education and I feel confident that I can clearly and cohesively interpret things I read/see/hear, that I wasn’t understanding them the way I was expected to.

and then... I felt ashamed.

I felt ashamed of being a Democrat. Ashamed of being a liberal. Ashamed because I am scared out of my mind that someone who is against EVERYTHING I believe in is going to lead the country for the next 4 years. Ashamed that I feel the way I do.

And most importantly, I felt ashamed of myself for letting it get that far.

Mommy didn’t raise me that way. Mommy would be SO upset with me if she was alive. She’d be scolding me for not standing up for myself. She’d be yelling at me for letting myself feel like I was bullied.

I sat and took a long look at things... No one else is letting their friends ‘control’ what they post. Why the hell am I?

I don’t need to ‘hide’ how I feel.

I’m not wrong for feeling the way I do.

I shouldn’t care whether I ‘ruffle feathers’ or not.

I shouldn’t feel afraid to post things I agree with. It’s MY wall; not yours.

I shouldn’t feel stupid, because I’m not. I’m smart and have a good understanding of most things.

AND I SHOULDN’T EVER FEEL ASHAMED OF ANYTHING!

I am proud of being a Democrat. I am proud of being a liberal. I am COMPLETELY scared out of my mind that someone who is against EVERYTHING I believe in is going to lead the country for the next 4 years.

I’m scared for my black friends. I’m scared for my Latino/Latina friends. I’m scared for my other foreign friends, which are too many to list. I’m scared for my female friends. I’m scared for my poor friends. I’m scared for my disabled friends. I’m scared for my LGBTQ friends.

I’m scared for America.

From now on, I’m saying WHAT I want, WHEN I want. It could be sweet; It could be so laden with swear words, it’d make a sailor blush. (Actually, I’d bet on that last one, truth be told) If it goes against what you think, TOO DAMN BAD.

Life is too short to worry about making others happy. You gotta make YOURSELF happy and the hell with everyone else.

And THAT is what I intend to do.

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