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Wednesday, June 7, 2017

#BehindTheBlogger -- Father of Mine

#BehindTheBlogger -- Father of Mine

Dear Daddy,

I miss you, even though I really have no clue who you are.

I didn't really get to know you. You were well into your 60s when I was born, and you died when I was only 6 going on 7.

This February marked 31 years since your death, and you know what I have to remember you by?

Pictures and bad memories. The pictures aren't that many, to be honest. You weren't a very photogenic man... what pictures I do have, I'd honestly be ashamed to show many people.

And the memories... These are memories a 6 year old shouldn't have.

Like, Trying to explain that you were sitting on the non-sitting furniture and accusing me of stealing the chair cushions (and no amount of ‘Daddy, you’re sitting on the end table!’ worked).

You running over my foot with the Toyota and falling to the Nelson's Corner shopping plaza's parking lot. How my little foot did not get broken with a Toyota Starlet (I think) running over it is beyond me.

You would drive drunk with me in the car to go pick Mommy up from K-Mart. I remember nearly getting t-boned because you were totally too drunk to drive.

The ONLY good memories I have is working in the garden, helping you weed and one of my favorite pictures... You and I, standing in the front yard in an old flower bed that Mommy eventually turned into a sandbox for me.

When you did pass away, it really didn’t affect me. I was mature for my age, and I kind of sensed it was coming. Looking back, you had undiagnosed Alzheimer’s with a slight case of dementia, and you were an alcoholic. I don't know how, but my little mind just had this 'sense' that when the EMTs wheeled you out that morning, you weren't coming home.

And the days that followed were a blur. Only thing that was memorable for me was seeing my sisters and my nieces and nephews, who I hardly ever saw. When I returned to school later that week, I couldn't understand why my teachers were fawning all over me... My dad was dead. Okay. I was fine with it. Life goes on.

It really didn't start bothering me until I was a teenager. I watched all my friends do father-daughter things with their dad, and *I* didn't get the chance. There was no 'asking Daddy for the credit card.' There was no Father-Daughter dances.

The CLOSEST I had to a 'father-daughter' event was the rainbow on Graduation Day. I KNEW it was you. There was a rainbow on my 7th birthday, my 1st birthday after you died. So, when I saw the rainbow hovering over 'Meteor Mountain' until I received my diploma and then it disappeared, I KNEW it was you.

And you know the saddest thing about this, Father of mine? The one day all little girls dream of... their Daddy walking them down the aisle... I'll never get to experience this. Oh, sure, I do have 'father figures' in my life now... There's Drake, who I call Dad, There's 'Grandpa Frank,' There's 'Papa Loveless... 'I'm sure I could ask any of them and they would JUMP at the chance.

But it wouldn't be the same; it wouldn't be you.

I'm not trying to be a 'Debbie Downer' here. I had a great life with Mommy. She filled both roles well. But she could only go so far in the 'father' role.

As I said in the beginning of the post, I do love you... and what I do remember of you, I do miss you. I just wish I had the chance to get to know you better.

Happy Father's Day in Heaven.

Your 'Little One'

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Thank you for reading a story from #BehindTheBlogger Hop. Every 2 weeks a group of bloggers is given a writing prompt. These prompts are very open ended, so our bloggers can write about whatever they desire. The main rule is that their blog post directly relates to the topic of that week. The point of this hop is for our readers to get to know us on a personal level.
Please hop along and read all of the blog posts in this weeks hop. Just click the links below. If you want real and raw emotion, then you will find it here. After you read each post, please comment and share. We want to get to know you too!

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